Of Surprises and Cakes
by DaDonut
Summary: Side story of Life in the Akatsuki. It's Deidara birthday! Crack-ish. Rated T because of Hidan. Oneshot.


Of Surprises and Cakes

Platonic!Akatsuki x Reader

(Side story to Life in the Akatsuki)

Contains swearing because of Hidan.

Crack-ish….

Enjoy!

"Hurry Tobi! Go go go go go!" You usher the childlike man towards the living room to decorate. "We've only got a few hours left until he comes back from the mission! GO!" Tobi squeaks out a "Yes (Name)-senpai!" and goes to decorating the living room with colorful streamers and balloons. Kakuzu walks beside you, muttering to himself "The streamers cost this much… and the balloons cost this much… maybe I should've taken the other one? But no…. the other streamers would've cost this much…."

You roll your eyes as you stride into the kitchen. "Kisame, how is the cake coming along?" You question as you peer into the oven. Said shark man turns to you, wearing a pink frilly apron, and grins. "Perfectly! I've already got the cake done, now I just need to decorate. Hey, do you think Deidara would like the yellow frosting or blue frosting?"

Before you could answer, Sasori pokes his head in from the door. "Yellow on the top, blue on the sides. Don't forget the small fondant sculptures." He says in monotone, before returning to decorating the living room with Tobi. You grin, and say "Exactly." Kisame nods, and starts beating the whipped cream.

"Yo! Where do I put all this f***ing clay? It's f***ing dirtying my hands." Hidan comes in from the back door of the kitchen, holding two large buckets of freshly dug clay from the lake. "It's not any different from your bloody rituals Hidan! Just put them over there. And go take a shower… You stink." You order. He retaliates, "You made me dig up this f***ing clay!" You shoot back "Not my fault you didn't have a present beforehand. Now shoo!"

He mutters and strides out of the kitchen. Itachi glides in as Hidan walks out, holding a box. You brighten up. "Great! Did you get it?" He nods, and opens the box. Inside, are bags of gunpowder. "Yes! Um…" You lean your head towards his ear. "How much did this cost?" He lowers his eyes, and whispers "About 8,000 yen.. ($70)"

You flinch, and say lowly. "Just make sure Kakuzu does not find out." He nods solemnly. You then say "Great! Just give this to Tobi and make sure he wraps it properly." Itachi drifts to the living room. (Bff name) then rushes in. "We have just been informed that he's coming back early! We have only an hour to prepare!" Your eyes widen, and say "Where's Zetsu?" "We're here". You whip around to find Zetsu standing behind you.

"Good. Can you tell him to pick up groceries from the nearby village? Tell him that we need more vegetables. He can pick." Zetsu nods, and dissolves into the ground. "This will buy us more time… I hope." Konan then walks in, saying softly "The paper decorations are done. We just have to arrange the balloons and hang up the banner." You nod.

"Good. We're almost ready. What does Leader-sama say?" Konan replies "He sends his best wishes. Sadly, he is not able to come and celebrate." You nod. "Tell him that we hope he gets better soon. (Bff Name), can you go hang up the banner with Konan?" (Bff name) nods, and she and Konan drag the large banner saying "Happy Birthday Deidara!" to hang up in the living room.

"Kisame! I hope you go fast, because we have about an hour until he comes back!" You yell to the kitchen, walking into the living room again. He shouts back "Calm down woman! I'm nearly done!" You list off the things on your hands, counting like Kakuzu was on the couch. "Presents…. check. Decorations… nearly done. Cake… nearly done. Element of surprise… hopefully. Hmmmm…. OH SHOOT! THE CANDLES!"

Practically tearing into the kitchen, you shout to Kisame. "KISAME! DO WE HAVE ANY CANDLES LEFT?" Kisame freezes mid-squirt, and a deformed blob of frosting comes out on the side. "OH GEEZ WE FORGOT THE CANDLES! ITAAAACHI!" Itachi glides in, and raises an eyebrow in question. "We forgot the candles! I need you to come with me to the village, which, unfortunately, Deidara is currently at, and accompany me. Ok? Just to look out for Deidara. Sasori!"

The puppet master's head pops up from behind the couch. "If Deidara comes back early, can you stall?" Sasori thinks, and says "I can do 15 minutes at the most." You let out a steady breath. "Good enough. (Bff name), you're in charge. Itachi, lets go!" You rush out the back door when you are finished.

As you encounter the genjutsu guarding the back of the base, Itachi briefly makes a small crack which you both can slip through. At once, you find yourself almost drenched in rain. "Ack! Amegakure is always so rainy. Thank goodness civilian clothes are easily dried." Obviously, you and Itachi were wearing civilian clothing, lest you be recognized as the Akatsuki. Though, you still had a weapons pouch hidden in your simple shirt, and senbon needles in your hair.

Darting into the nearest shop, you see Itachi silently start drying his hair in the doorway. Going over to the elderly lady, you ask "Excuse me, do you sell candles here?" The elderly woman nods kindly, and points to the candles section. You rifle through the various scented candles, and decorative candles. "There has to be some sort of thinner candle here!"

A bag of color at the near bottom of the pile catches your attention. "YES! found it! Let's go Itachi!" He sighs, and gestures to the elderly lady. "Oh I nearly forgot! How much for this bag of candles?" You thrust it at her. "That would be 250 yen dear! ($2.5)" Rummaging around your side bag, you withdraw a bill when you feel Itachi tap your shoulder and envelop you two into genjutsu.

"The weather is horrible as always, un. Damn those lazy people! Making me get groceries when I just finished a mission, un." Recognizing his voice and the silky blonde locks, you quickly grab the candles and latch onto Itachi's arm, holding the umbrella you had somehow acquired along the way. The elderly lady seemed surprised, but did not say anything.

"We should get going dear! The weather really bad! Plus I'm making your favorite tonight." You say to Itachi, seemingly not affected by the way he looked and the way your voice sounded. "Excuse me, un." Deidara shoulders past the two of you. As you two walk out of the store, you let go of Itachi and you two start running.

You let out a breath you didn't know you were holding. "That was close. Thanks Itachi." He lets out the infamous Uchiha "Hn." Dashing through the genjutsu again, you burst into the kitchen waving the candles triumphantly. Kisame looks up from his decorating, and lights up. "Perfect! I just have to put on the figures, and the cake is done!"

Setting the candles down next to the cake, you stride into the living room. (Bff name) appears beside you, walking. "Banner is hung up, the streamers and balloons are in place, presents are hidden. And Hidan has not murdered anyone yet. Kakuzu is still calm. Tobi has not destroyed anything yet either." You smile, and open your mouth to say something, but is interrupted when you hear a bang. "I'VE GOT THE GROCERIES YOU LAZY PEOPLE, UN!"

"He's back! Places everyone! Sasori, go!" The redhead breezes out to the doorway to greet Deidara. Kisame hurriedly sticks some candles in, and you turn off the lights. "Itachi, do the honors." You whisper quietly. Itachi blows a gentle fire across the candles, lighting them. Kisame places the cake on the center table. Footsteps near the corridor, and everyone tenses in anticipation.

Sasori emerges with a bag of groceries, and quickly places them on the side. He, too, hides. Deidara is left alone walking in the dark hallway complaining. "Do you guys realize what day it is, un? And you make me get groceries after a day of mission, un?" His rant is interrupted when he spots the lit up cake in the middle of the table. "What's this un? Sasori no Danna! What is this un?"

He hears a muffled "Go!" when he is blinded by confetti, glitter, and light. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEIDARA!" Everyone leaps out of their hiding places, holding various sized presents. Kisame holds the cake. Deidara stops in his tracks, utterly shocked and confused. "Y-you guys didn't forget?"

Sasori walks up. "We never did. Right (Name)?" You step forward, holding a neatly wrapped present. "We didn't. Remember Dei? One big dysfunctional family. And families don't forget each others birthdays." You hand him the present, and Sasori ruffles his hair. He cracks an amazed smile "You guys… I don't know what to say…" Kisame sets the cake down on the table, and everyone starts singing an off tune "Happy birthday to you…."

After the song finishes, he blows out the candles and starts slicing cake. "What did you wish for, senpai?" Tobi excitedly asks. Deidara turns to everyone and grins. "That we will continue being one big dysfunctional family!"


End file.
